Crap Creek Grille

We not-so-recently visted Salt Creek Grille on route 1 in one of the Windsors, and for some reason I've decided right now to write about how bad it sucked.

First of all, it turns out this total whore we went to high school with works there, so that pretty much ruined the whole lunch right off the bat, but the shitty ambiance certainly didn't help. We were a party of two, and for some reason they seated us at this GIGANTIC U-shaped booth that was insanely awkward to sit at no matter how we positioned ourselves. The whole place is really creepy and good-old-boysish, with all this black leather and dark wood and really oversized, fat white man furniture. There was also a horrible glare coming through the ugly blinds that made it impossible for me to enjoy gazing at my platonic life partner's adorable face.


You think all that shit sounds bad? Wait until I tell you about the food. Hoooooolyyyyyy SHIT did it ever suck. The wine was really overpriced, and although I can't remember what we got, it doesn't matter because you aren't going to go there anyway so get off my back. There was literally nothing on the menu that I really wanted, so I ended up settling for a seared tuna sandwich, and I asked to substitute the fries with mashed potonks.

Big mistake.

The piece of tuna was seared, and it appeared to be a pretty nice piece of tuna, but not for a god damn sandwich because it weighed about four pounds and was about twice the width of anything I could ever fit in my mouth. This problem was compounded by the hardness of the roll and the utterly insulting lack of sauce of any kind. If I'm gonna pay for some food, you better believe it's going to come with some fucking sauce.

The mashed potatoes were the ultimate irony of our crappy lunch, or at least we thought so when we were half-drunk in the parking lot afterwards. In retrospect it doesn't seem so devastatingly witty to say, "The mashed potatoes were dry and they needed salt, and this place is called Salt CREEK Grille! Maybe we should dunk the potatoes in the salty water! HA!," but it seemed hilarious at the time.

I can't remember what PLP got, but it doesn't matter because we didn't even take home our leftovers, so again, there's no way you're ever gonna go there. And who even spells "Grill" with a fucking "e" at the end? It looks gross. We should have known better. F-